Hey, remember when Matty... (Or: Why they call me "Slugger")

Who Cares

...made a post about being in some Japanese jail for a couple weeks, but then wouldn't tell us the hilarious story of what it was all about?

What a dick.

Being an infinitely better person than he is, I will not do this to all of you. I will relate the story of the first Khakainer to be arrested on a domestic charge. Except for probably CC613 when he was drunk, or something.

So anyway, while I'll joke about it, this whole thing is both pretty serious and depressing on some levels, so I'm not going to elaborate on it too much, and will try to keep this somewhat brief, as I've had to relate the incident many times already and will probably have to do so many times more.

In a nutshell, I was attacked and had my life threatened by my father, and was arrested on some pretty serious domestic assault charges for injuries he sustained when I defended myself.

To preface, my father is a pretty sad, twisted, screwed up individual, with a history of violence and mental illness. I've never really cared much for the man myself.

So it basically goes like this. I had been renting a room in Queens from someone, but near the end of November they needed the room back, and I didn't really have time to find a new job and apartment in the middle of New York before I had to move out. My mother lives in upstate New York, and while she's the parent that I actually have a normal, healthy relationship with, my father (whom I have told you is not my favorite person in the world) lives on Long Island. Having taken my car off the road while living in the city, and with my other option being 3 1/2 + hours out of the city, I decided to try staying at my father's place for a while, against my better judgement. I figured I'd be able to get back into the city easier from there, despite the fact that I'd have to put up with an asshole. I just couldn't imagine what a tradgedy life would be if I no longer had my darling Gomo as my next door neighbor.

So I was out there for maybe 2 1/2 weeks, working a temp job with UPS. We fought constantly, but verbally, for the most part. At the point of the incident, I had already decided that I was going to give up and move out by the end of the week, since he was too much to deal with, and had told him as much. I dunno, maybe that made him want to get his last shots in. Anyway, one morning I had woke up at about 3-3:30 AM (rotating sleep cycles anyone? Nair?) and had gone downstairs to check up on the 'net, since I didn't work till the afternoon. Not long after, he wakes up, apparently in a rage for some reason or another, and storms downstairs and tells me to get the fuck to sleep (ridiculous, right? The judge almost laughed in court). I ask why, and instead of responding, he starts throwing punches. Took me by surprise, landed a couple of good shots on my head before I got my bearings. Now, despite the facts that I hate the man and that he was trying to pummel me, I figured things would only go downhill if I started hitting him, so I instead was able to grab and partially restrain him instead. Things were apparently determined to go downhill regardless. Now, if it came down to it, I think I might be able to win in an all out fight with him, but my father is neither very old, nor weak. He's barely 45, and had just retired months ago from being a Captain at Riker's Island, NYC's high security island prison, where he made his living beating up unruly prisoners and whatnot. Anyway, I have him in a decent hold where he can't actually land blows on me too well, and I'm trying to descalate the situation verbally so that it didn't come to what it came to, but he was in a nonsensical rage. I tire us both out restraining him, but instead of this calming him down, he's getting even more worked up and frustrated that he's not being able to really hit me. So he's pretty psychotic at this point. He's verbally threatening my life, and I'm at a point where I decide that I'm going to have to hurt the man to get out of the situation and make a phonecall. What's worse is that after having just woken up and then having physically restrained a raging man for over five minutes, I'm exhausted and don't know whether or not I can stun him enough to be able to get out of the house safely. So he's threatening to shoot me, is able to break my grip a bit and make a dive for a place that he has a hidden firearm (he was a cop, afterall, and he also has a history of having threatened people with a gun). This, quite obviously, makes me fear for my life, so I throw him into a corner and, because I don't have the strength left to do without, grab a good old, New York Mets signed, Pizza hut promotion issued Louisville Slugger baseball bat that's lying around and give him a few blows to the midsection. Nothing too hard, and nothing where I was swinging at his head or going to break his legs or anything, but enough to stun him and let me get out of the house. Alas, by the time I run half dressed across a highway in the middle of December to get to a payphone, he's filed a police report on me before I can make a call. Funny little quirk in the legal system here: if you ever go berserk on someone and try to kill'em, if you happen to be able to get to a phone first and call the police, you get to be the victim and the other guy gets taken to court! Cool, huh?

So anyway, yeah, I spent the day in jail, blah blah blah, horrible, got released without bail, and had a court date set for earlier today. It's a pretty serious charge, and the maximum sentence is 4 years in prison, but given the situation and my lack of any record, there's no way I'd do jail time.

Anyway, I had hired a lawyer (my wallet says ouch), and I think we're confident that we have enough documentation of my father being a crazy, psychotic bastard that if it was forced up to a trial, no jury in their right mind would convict me. Either way though, I don't know what's happening yet, because my lawyer's father just died, so I had to go to court and get the court date postponed till the 27th, since the lawyer couldn't make it. I'm not going to accept anything that's a criminal charge, since I don't want an arrest and conviction on my record, so if they want anything more than a non-criminal charge, I'm going to go ahead and go to trial. I doubt that it'll even go that far, though. Before I told legal aid today at court that I couldn't make any decisions until the next court date when I could speak with my lawyer, they said something about me being offered some kind of conditional charge provided I take some kind of mandated anger management class. Which would be a total load of crap, but if doing that will get my charge brought down to a non-felony, akin to a misdemeanor or something (which I don't care about because then it becomes a sealed issue and I don't have to note it on job applications and suchlike), I'll probably take it. I'm confident that I'd win in a jury trial, but if I accepted a non-criminal charge and sat through a few weeks of sitting and sharing my feelings with a bunch of men that beat the crap out of their wives, that would save me thousands of dollars in legal fees.

So yeah. That's what happened, and that's why I haven't been around. In other news, provided that I'm not thrown in jail and/or a billion dollars in debt soon, I'm looking into moving into a silly cheap communal hippie living complex out in Staten Island. New York City, I'm coming back to you.

Naked.

Jim · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:01 am Post subject:

derp?
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It Doesn't Matter · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:04 am Post subject:

Staten Island? Fuck man, that's low.

Good luck man. I hope to see you soon so we can begin our domination of the city.

drewnb · **cochinillo** Joined: 21 Nov 1999 Posts: 1640

Good luck with that Luke. While I haven't been in a situation quite like yours, I've seen similar things on my mother's side of the family. With truth on your side, and a decent lawyer, you should be alright. I'm betting on a lot of postponements like you're currently experiencing, before there's a trial. If there ever is one. Again, best of luck to you, and let us know what happens.
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It Doesn't Matter · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:08 am Post subject:

Luke, do you have a cousin Vinny.

Jim · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:13 am Post subject:

Yeah, in all seriousness, good luck.

And remember, you can't skip boardcon cause the US postal service won't let me send alcohol throught the mail.
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It Doesn't Matter · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:50 am Post subject:

He'll come and bring his bat. Don't fuck with him.

The Cabbage · Member since 1999 Joined: 09 Oct 1999 Posts: 3698

Sorry to hear about your dad being all psycho. I can't imagine how that'd feel, to have your own father pit himself against you like this. Not to mention the whole threating your life thing.

But yeah, good luck man. Sounds like you have a pretty strong case, though.
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I got ants in my pants and I need to dance.

It Doesn't Matter · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:14 am Post subject:

Do ninjas use baseball bats?

KO_er · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:16 am Post subject:

I wish you the best of luck, Luke. Sucks that this happened.
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I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar!

Tempest [KE] · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:33 am Post subject:

If you need any help, I got people in the city and involved in law (enforcement, lawyers, etc) who are friends of my dad. I'm sure I can pull in a favor or two should need be.
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DAVE · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:58 am Post subject:

So his lawyer just mysteriously DIED, eh? Sounds suspicious to me, murderer.

Anyway, good to hear you're alright and that things are working out relatively well, etc.

Be sure to tell us all about anger management class.

It Doesn't Matter · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 2:00 am Post subject:

His lawyer's DAD

DAVE · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 2:01 am Post subject:

fascinating.

(ubone SE KE · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 2:20 am Post subject:

I'm actually pretty impressed. Luke isn't the biggest guy out there, and he held his own against a former prison guard.

Sam approves this badassery.
sam2

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I put the "bone" in "your mom"...

Tempest [KE] · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 2:30 am Post subject:

Oh yeah, Luke kicked some ass.

Remind me to buy you a round of shots at Boardcon 06.
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Who Cares · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:31 am Post subject:

While Luke has never been the biggest guy out there, it has never before prevented him from kicking ass and taking names. At Boardcon '06 Koosh and I shall compete for the title of "short man that can kick your ass."

Also, I'm not particularly crying out for help or attention or anything here. I just got mobbed by IMs as soon as I got online with people wanting to know what was up with me, hence, thread.

Tempest [KE] · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:54 am Post subject:

Eh, I offer up favors to those I consider friends... I try to do good by them.
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Lith · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 7:22 am Post subject:

damn. i made a nice heart warming little comment but it didn't go through. and if it does after i post this, i'll be verily miffed.

I wanted to say I'm really very sorry to see that you're in distress out in the Big Windy Apple. It's always scary to see parents turn on their own children. If you can't trust your own fucking parents, who can you trust? ;__;

Well I'm sure everything'll be alright and you're pretty much in the clear (in my opinion). I give you all my luck and I'm with that guy. If I get to tag along to your guys' BoardCon, I'll buy you a drink Very Happy

-Your Hideous Bride

Charlizard · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 7:44 am Post subject:

Eerie. I don't get along with my father, I was just in NYC, I worked at Fed Ex and my mother lives in upstate NY; about 3 and a half hours away from the city.

I did get harassed by the cops though, no jail time however. Just kicked out of college.

Absolut JJtH · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 10:57 am Post subject:

That's hilariously pathetic. I'm sure glad nobody has this kind of ammo against me.

HaloLauren · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:11 pm Post subject:

Well done, Luke. It sucks when doing the right thing still gets you in trouble. I hope it works out well for you.
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"I realized after the fact that I agree more with the Republican Party platform, that it talked about independence, that it talked about individual responsibility, individual rights, it talked about the ability to guarantee opportunities, not outcomes," adding, "that was very much what my family stood for." -Claude Allen

It Doesn't Matter · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:25 pm Post subject:

The worst part about this is Luke will be exiled to Staten Island, where everyone hates you and it smells like garbage.

HaloLauren · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:19 pm Post subject:

But at least he won't be in Queens!
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"I realized after the fact that I agree more with the Republican Party platform, that it talked about independence, that it talked about individual responsibility, individual rights, it talked about the ability to guarantee opportunities, not outcomes," adding, "that was very much what my family stood for." -Claude Allen

It Doesn't Matter · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:39 pm Post subject:

The whole point was to be in Queens.

HaloLauren · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 2:16 pm Post subject:

I thought he was renting in Manhattan at some point.
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"I realized after the fact that I agree more with the Republican Party platform, that it talked about independence, that it talked about individual responsibility, individual rights, it talked about the ability to guarantee opportunities, not outcomes," adding, "that was very much what my family stood for." -Claude Allen

CC613 · Joined: 16 Mar 2004 Posts: 767 Location: Jersey

You'll be alright, man. You did the right thing. You should definatelly just take them classes if it will help downgrade shit and keep your wallet from getting another ass raping from fines after the lawyer fees. Good luck, man.

Maragon · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:56 pm Post subject:

That's horrible about your father, perhaps he can get some court-ordered therapy or some such thing.
It's too bad that the obvious victim here is being tried as a criminal.
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It Doesn't Matter · Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:50 am Post subject:

Renting in manhattan would cost a fortune.

Nick Nack · Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 7:01 am Post subject:

Damnit, Christina wouldn't STFU while I was trying to read that. Good luck though.

It Doesn't Matter · Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 1:04 pm Post subject:

Or was she too busy gagging on a cock in the other room.

Zelda1 · Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 3:51 pm Post subject:

I know... live with Joe!

Keiran · Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:18 pm Post subject:

Brother Luke you did indeed do the right thing my man. I knwo hwo it feels to ahve an ass hole for a father, it only came to blows opnce between me and my dad but I stopped that quick cause my dad could kill me ina heart beat. It sounds like everythign will be allright.... well as all right as the situation could be.

Jim · Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:20 pm Post subject:

TYPO'D
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It Doesn't Matter · Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 9:06 pm Post subject: