test pattern

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test pattern / ARCHIVE III ... / Some Added Wisdom For You All

Flint
User ID: 1473814 Dec 27th 8:58 PM
Have you ever heard of the theory that when you do something really stupid or embarrassing, the best thing you can do is cry a little, then laugh about it and hope some other people get a good laugh? Well yeah. Ladies, if you're sensitive, I suggest you leave. Gentlemen, pay attention, this could affect you someday!

It's 6am a couple mornings ago, and I had gotten home from work, made my requisite few posts here, and got ready for bed (read: opened up the porn playlist in realplayer). I've always been a guy that just can't do it dry; I've got to have some sort of lubricant. The wheel doesn't turn without oil! Now I've been a big fan of conditioner, but I had used the last of that in the shower that morning, for its intended purpose; so I look around the room and see Ms. Conditioner's lonely sister, Ms. Shampoo. I figure what the fuck, they feel the same, why not. 7-8 minutes later, everything's wrapped up, and I'm off to sleep. All's well.

Until the next morning. I wake up and the outer layer of skin on my dick is dead and peeling; sort of like a snake sheds his skin, my dick was doing the same thing. It had also swelled to the point where I'd need to use the tires from a '57 Chevy as a condom. I hope I do not need to add that it hurt like a motherfucker. I couldn't sit right; if I positioned myself the wrong way, my grotesquely swollen dick would rub the wrong way against my boxers and I'd whimper in agony. Thankfully, the swelling went down during the course of the day. For a while, I was fearful that I'd be wearing a barrel into work.

But something worse started happening. As the skin started peeling off from my dick and the base of my dick, it ITCHED. Bad. It's tough working all night long (I do a rather physical job, keeping me, and hence my dick, moving and rubbing against pants respectively) while you're sitting there trying to scratch your crotch and kill the itch without anyone noticing.

So now, we move on to Dumbass Idea #2. The worst itching was right at the base of my dick- right below the massive forest of pubic hair. Curious, I look and see how long a pubic hair takes to grow on a man, and I find it's about 2-3 weeks. I figure, what the hell, if it stops this fucking AWFUL itching, I'm willing to go hairless for a couple of weeks. So I hop in the shower and shave the little fucker bald. Off to sleep I go again. Maybe that would fix the itch.

WRONG!!!!!

Pubic hairs are relatively thick. Thus, when they start growing back, they produce stubble, as most hair does. The itching from this against my boxers was worse than the itch from my flaking dick could have ever possibly been. Plus, I still had the first itch, and my dick STILL hurt like a bastard. I wept very quietly.

Oh, but I wasn't through being stupid. Hell, if it kept rubbing against my boxers; maybe I just needed to ride bareback, giving my poor and abused pubic area some respit in its bitter storm. It was here that I learned an important function of pubic hair. Pubic hair provides a significant amount of 'lift' when one is adjusting the zipper on his jeans. No lift = low zipper, which means I slammed the fucking thing 3 notches over the already cracked and peeling skin before I had a clue what the fuck I was doing. On top of being cracked and peeling, it was now bleeding. It was painful. And I was crying, partially in pain and partially at my own stupidity. So I wrapped him up in a few bandaids, and figured I'd just try to keep him as still as possible for a few days. So far, that's been working out, but I imagine it will have cataclysmic results for my dick soon enough.

So let this be a warning to you. When you're looking for a little lube and the jar of hand lotion / conditioner / WD40 (someone must have tried that my now) is empty, that shampoo may look sad and lonely- but it's just that way because it's looking to bring pain, suffering, and humiliation into your life. And hopefully I've made a few of you laugh and a few of you cry, I've certainly done my share of those the past few days.

Lizard Lover
User ID: 0916684 Dec 27th 10:44 PM
Jesus Flint! what the hell were you thinking??? now I might not be able to use you anymore..:o(

Curious DB
User ID: 9426023 Dec 28th 5:00 AM
I'm not sure whether to laugh, cry, or sit stunned in mute sympathy...

Do I need to give you that old spiel that if you play with it too much it'll fall off? :Þ

Slightly Evil Al
User ID: 9732463 Dec 28th 5:36 AM
And I'll bet it was dandruff shampoo too.

Did you not lather rinse and repeat?

Lady Savage
User ID: 8081443 Dec 28th 11:48 AM
*laughs and winces*

he didnt wash of the shampoo hohoho. damn you forgot that one!

Evenflow
User ID: 7426893 Dec 29th 5:56 PM
More rinsy, less burny

Flint
User ID: 1473814 Dec 29th 8:22 PM
Lathered yes...Rinse...no.

Slightly Evil Al
User ID: 7531403 Dec 30th 8:11 PM
Well, that's the all important step. You see, soaps contain lye, do they not? I know lye is involved in the production of soap. Lye is a rather dangerous base. You remember fight club?

~~isObel~~
Administrator Dec 30th 8:46 PM
!!!!

*CAN HARDLY TYPE FROM LAUGHING*

OMG Flint, that's so damn funny... and so well documented, I can tell that it left quite an impression on you LMFAO

I hope it doesn't scar, you'll have a hard time explaining that in the future... rub it with some vitamin E oil and think of football plays or something so as not to get "distracted" >=D

Jesus, you couldn't pay me to have one of those things LMAO

Flint
User ID: 1473814 Dec 31st 1:50 PM
LOL

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Flint User ID: 1473814	Dec 27th 8:58 PM Have you ever heard of the theory that when you do something really stupid or embarrassing, the best thing you can do is cry a little, then laugh about it and hope some other people get a good laugh? Well yeah. Ladies, if you're sensitive, I suggest you leave. Gentlemen, pay attention, this could affect you someday! It's 6am a couple mornings ago, and I had gotten home from work, made my requisite few posts here, and got ready for bed (read: opened up the porn playlist in realplayer). I've always been a guy that just can't do it dry; I've got to have some sort of lubricant. The wheel doesn't turn without oil! Now I've been a big fan of conditioner, but I had used the last of that in the shower that morning, for its intended purpose; so I look around the room and see Ms. Conditioner's lonely sister, Ms. Shampoo. I figure what the fuck, they feel the same, why not. 7-8 minutes later, everything's wrapped up, and I'm off to sleep. All's well. Until the next morning. I wake up and the outer layer of skin on my dick is dead and peeling; sort of like a snake sheds his skin, my dick was doing the same thing. It had also swelled to the point where I'd need to use the tires from a '57 Chevy as a condom. I hope I do not need to add that it hurt like a motherfucker. I couldn't sit right; if I positioned myself the wrong way, my grotesquely swollen dick would rub the wrong way against my boxers and I'd whimper in agony. Thankfully, the swelling went down during the course of the day. For a while, I was fearful that I'd be wearing a barrel into work. But something worse started happening. As the skin started peeling off from my dick and the base of my dick, it ITCHED. Bad. It's tough working all night long (I do a rather physical job, keeping me, and hence my dick, moving and rubbing against pants respectively) while you're sitting there trying to scratch your crotch and kill the itch without anyone noticing. So now, we move on to Dumbass Idea #2. The worst itching was right at the base of my dick- right below the massive forest of pubic hair. Curious, I look and see how long a pubic hair takes to grow on a man, and I find it's about 2-3 weeks. I figure, what the hell, if it stops this fucking AWFUL itching, I'm willing to go hairless for a couple of weeks. So I hop in the shower and shave the little fucker bald. Off to sleep I go again. Maybe that would fix the itch. WRONG!!!!! Pubic hairs are relatively thick. Thus, when they start growing back, they produce stubble, as most hair does. The itching from this against my boxers was worse than the itch from my flaking dick could have ever possibly been. Plus, I still had the first itch, and my dick STILL hurt like a bastard. I wept very quietly. Oh, but I wasn't through being stupid. Hell, if it kept rubbing against my boxers; maybe I just needed to ride bareback, giving my poor and abused pubic area some respit in its bitter storm. It was here that I learned an important function of pubic hair. Pubic hair provides a significant amount of 'lift' when one is adjusting the zipper on his jeans. No lift = low zipper, which means I slammed the fucking thing 3 notches over the already cracked and peeling skin before I had a clue what the fuck I was doing. On top of being cracked and peeling, it was now bleeding. It was painful. And I was crying, partially in pain and partially at my own stupidity. So I wrapped him up in a few bandaids, and figured I'd just try to keep him as still as possible for a few days. So far, that's been working out, but I imagine it will have cataclysmic results for my dick soon enough. So let this be a warning to you. When you're looking for a little lube and the jar of hand lotion / conditioner / WD40 (someone must have tried that my now) is empty, that shampoo may look sad and lonely- but it's just that way because it's looking to bring pain, suffering, and humiliation into your life. And hopefully I've made a few of you laugh and a few of you cry, I've certainly done my share of those the past few days.
Lizard Lover User ID: 0916684	Dec 27th 10:44 PM Jesus Flint! what the hell were you thinking??? now I might not be able to use you anymore..:o(
Curious DB User ID: 9426023	Dec 28th 5:00 AM I'm not sure whether to laugh, cry, or sit stunned in mute sympathy... Do I need to give you that old spiel that if you play with it too much it'll fall off? :Þ
Slightly Evil Al User ID: 9732463	Dec 28th 5:36 AM And I'll bet it was dandruff shampoo too. Did you not lather rinse and repeat?
Lady Savage User ID: 8081443	Dec 28th 11:48 AM laughs and winces he didnt wash of the shampoo hohoho. damn you forgot that one!
Evenflow User ID: 7426893	Dec 29th 5:56 PM More rinsy, less burny
Flint User ID: 1473814	Dec 29th 8:22 PM Lathered yes...Rinse...no.
Slightly Evil Al User ID: 7531403	Dec 30th 8:11 PM Well, that's the all important step. You see, soaps contain lye, do they not? I know lye is involved in the production of soap. Lye is a rather dangerous base. You remember fight club?
~~isObel~~ Administrator	Dec 30th 8:46 PM !!!! CAN HARDLY TYPE FROM LAUGHING OMG Flint, that's so damn funny... and so well documented, I can tell that it left quite an impression on you LMFAO I hope it doesn't scar, you'll have a hard time explaining that in the future... rub it with some vitamin E oil and think of football plays or something so as not to get "distracted" >=D Jesus, you couldn't pay me to have one of those things LMAO
Flint User ID: 1473814	Dec 31st 1:50 PM LOL