Khakain

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I have quite the dating record.  I could be called a somewhat “serial monogamist”, I suppose.  I've also had lengthy spells of singledom and it was a blast! Girls Nights Out, Alone Time In, Random Hookups, etc.  But when it comes to getting certain needs fulfilled, I find that I would MUCH rather be intimate with someone who actually cares about me.

I am very content in my relationship.  I didn’t get married because “it was that time” or because “it was expected”.  I did it because I wanted to. Things just clicked into place and my intuition told me to go for it.  My husband is my best friend, and has done nothing but make my life better since he entered it.  Truthfully, my development into adulthood had been stymied.  I wanted better for myself than what I had but did not see any way to make that happen.  Such is the rut of generational poverty.  My husband gave me a road map to help me level up, which is an ongoing process. 

I also feel a great deal of satisfaction related to branching out from my fucked up family.  Take that as you will.  It was a huge relief to shed my absentee, deadbeat father’s last name.  I took Rand’s name as a show of unity, but it also helps me to dissociate from their dysfunction.   

We have lots of fun, we have our issues, we bicker like little kids, and we work well together.  But having lives and hobbies outside of “us” is crucial.  We are not each other’s keeper or warden.  Maybe it’s because we were both only-children, so we can always play by ourselves.  I have heard from many people that not everyone does this.  Some people have a hard time entertaining themselves, or have some lack of trust that makes them want to be together all the time, I guess.

That brings me to this Captain Obvious statement: Everyone is different!  Not everyone feels that marriage is the end-game, or even the best way to solidify a relationship.  Quite a few of those people are at this very board.  Good for them!  As your friend, I can promise you that I will never be the type to ask you if you’re seeing anyone.  I know you’ll tell me.  I will never tell you that “Mr./Ms. Right/True Wuv is out there for you!”.  I will never try to set you up with someone simply because you both have being single in common. We live in an individualistic society—do what is best for YOU.  You’ll face plenty of scrutiny from those who are unable to think outside the box, no matter what you do.  I get it often enough for my lack of desire to have children, when that decision does not affect anyone outside of this household. (Except maybe my family and I will never have the heart to tell them they are a huge factor in that decision.)

All that said, if my marriage does not work out, I can at least say it was the right thing to do at the time and we gave it a damn good try.  (I don’t think I’ll want to do this again though—unless it’s to Dav3.)  Marriage makes you vulnerable; it tests your strengths and weaknesses.  Pick your battles.  It’s one thing to snag that mate, and another to keep them.  For me, it’s completely worth the effort.   Don't take my word for it though.  I'm just starting out and I know fuckall.

It will be cool to look back on this thread in a few years and see where I stand then.