During the Emo War we looked for any kind of ammo against Fichtl. The One found a strange picture called "mepic" in Fichtl's site's index. Due to the file's name we all assumed it to be the first picture of Max Fichtl ever found, and we all went a little giddy using it against him at Emo Khakain. He was quick to dismiss it as his friend "Preston" and accuse us of hacking his public index. Now that pictures of Fichtl are a burden instead of an asset and we know all too well just what he looks like, it is less clear exactly who this guy is. Is he really a guy named Preston? Was this Fichtl, pre-feminizing? Now, as then, we don't really care. The pose and attire have become legend, a part of the grand Fichtl mythos. Mostly because it annoys him.

"Julie" is the star of about five thousand one-second films about the english language, which are supposed to teach elementary school kids. She was originally found by a secondary source and the real cache of her movies has still not been found. It's a sort of holy grail for PGF. But that's not what this entry's about. It's about Tim being weird. After a little guilt tripping, Tim relented and sent us a complete archive of THP, presumably to get me off his back about the history book. He gave it under the condition that it not be presented as THP. According to him, he had been tracked down by real life bloggers and goths and harassed. More likely he didn't want his name on the somewhat dated articles. So, I went with a random decision and combined Tim's ranting with Julie's upbeat stiff upper lip and created English with Julie, where she teaches "The Queen's English" by way of complaining about modern art and how everyone is shallow. I still would really like to see that history book. I know you are reading this, Tim.

Although he is a master of over fifty disciplines, including narwhal fencing, Toby's expertise has always been music. He came from a board that was 100% about music, after all. Back when the Saxtrolls community was still around, he would do a radio stream for his friends and invite us to listen. In addition to his vast library of really good tunes, Toby took requests, talked to his listeners and played sounds given to him. The radio show propelled "GIMME BACK MY SON" to superstardom in Khakain phrases to be shouted during music. Personally I hope "Jane you ignorant slut" makes a comeback as well. And of course, every night when he finished up, the last song he played was Manana Iguana, statistically the best song to go out on in all of songdome. Remind me why we don't still do this?

For years, perhaps even since '99 or earlier, Joyful (or Myuuknux) has had a personal message board. He closed registration and filled it with with mundane posts about his current Internet status. He often went into neurotic detail, and by '09 he had several boards with thousands of posts each. It was known he had a mental disorder and possibly multiple personalities. It's possible these boards had some kind of purpose beyond updating his legions of imaginary fans. In January of '09, a member of VGRC named Joey decided to make a thread on SomethingAwful about Joyful, whom he had found on his own sometime earlier. Word spread very quickly of this strange man and his message board blog, and he became a giant celebrity overnight. Treecko aided the goons by submitting info he gained from searching Khakain, including the fact that he was handicapped. After seeing this, the goons backed off and the efforts to invade his life quickly fizzled out. Anonymous tried to break into his board but the best they could manage was hitting a bandwidth cap. His board was completely erased, but this is nothing new to Joyful and he is probably posting away unbothered on some new board.

In late 2005 Luke briefly moved into a relative’s house that was in the same neighborhood as Joe. The two were semi-neighbors a mere 5 minutes apart. They took this opportunity to hang out numerous times and do stupid things. One such stupid thing was, in the midst of a random acoustic jam session, the adaption of the famous revolution post to music. With Joe on guitar providing vocal asides and harmony, Luke belted a dramatic reading of “The Revolution” (as the song came to be titled). The song reached 16 minutes in length, included personal thoughts from Luke and Joe, Mel Gibson, Jeff Goldblum, and board member sound bites. It became an instant classic. It was the first of many Khakain-related songs the duo would record. Other creations included pennealavodka, 7 Years, Buffalo Bill, and Joe Got You, Dave. Each song pertains to a different instance in the board’s rich, random history and has the distinction of making up part of the Khakain soundtrack.

Tim's a funny guy. Possibly our funniest. He has a long history of out-writing an entire board full of self-important twats such as ourselves. But he's never satisfied with his own work. In the case of Tim Hates People, his old blog where he ranted about how much blogs sucked, his writing really didn't age that well, and he eventually grew so disgusted by it he deleted it without notice. He returned to work years later, on a series of comics called Board Village. In it he riffed on current happenings on the board, generally portaying himself as the greatest person ever and everyone else as mongrels lucky to even survive his glance. Since the thing he hated most of all was of course himself, this is probably why these comics were also deleted. The whole episode happened so fast that nobody saved them, either.

This is the only case I can think of where Khakain just spontaneously decides to have a party for something. Reitz should really be flattered. He was going away to boot camp for a long time, you see. It had been a long time since we were without Reitz. Khakain and HTLOZ both stopped what they were doing and saw him off properly. Since this was still a time when we had rotating banners, 20 or so were made on the spot and put on rotation by themselves for the night. To get him to come to his own party we needed to find his number and call him, but otherwise the night was good times had by all, and a good distration from Misery wreaking havoc on the board.

Following in the wake of the Laurendrama Nonsense of September 2007, in which Archdeco was accused of admin abuse in the form of placing 30-day bans on certain members, came another wave of admin abuse in February 2008 that once again left Deco holding the bag. Deco, who had supposedly stepped down as admin to calm down the furor of Laurendrama, was once again targeted as the main instigator of the hijinks that ensued. These hijinks included the banning of Lord Arthis for being stupid, the bannings of William and Screw Monkey for not sending out their Secret Satan gifts on time, and the formation of Kaquain, a secret board where ‘Freet’s Elites’ could post safely away from the general population’s stupidity. While it is true that the other major admins at the time did get their fair share of the blame for all the shit that transpired, Deco was the one who received the lion’s share, though honestly a lot of that was his own fault (owing to his general attitude, lame jokes, and previous transgressions). In reality, however, he was just a scapegoat, as it was actually Matt who banned Lord Arthis, Fletcher who suggested that Will and Screw Monkey be banned for not following the rules, and Kaquain’s creation had little – if any – assistance from him. Yet, he still took the bullet and was dethroned as an administrator. But that was OK, for he had learned that it was better to love the de-admin and stop worrying rather than try to fight the power. Thus was birthed the legend of Dr. Strangedeco… Ah, but just over a year later, it was Deco who had the last laugh, for he had cpanel access and could have adminned himself at any time. What the future holds for this administrator of conspiracy and controversy will only be revealed with time…

So long, Dr. Strangedeco.

5/21 was a day that will never be forgotten. Though the member exchange with RPG Town was a monumental failure, certain members kept in contact with Dunkinbean. Several of their members, former denizens of the "Spam Hut" board, were planning a coup. Making use of an admin account, they were going to deface their own board and flee to a site of their own. Khakain was called to join in. The aid we lent exceeded their expectations to say the least. The attack and exodus that followed left RPG Town a ghost town. The rebelling members formed Lollipop, perhaps our greatest ally. Pretending to be trolling and spamming masterminds, their prime objective was to embed flash everywhere and make fun of stupid people. It was Dunkinbean's idea of heaven.

Matt and Efreit were two members with a history of prolific writing, huge egos and vaguely homosexual undertones. When the two were at odds for the heart of the lovely Rinn, the only gentlemanly solution was a battle of wits. They constructed a story world for each other and crafted alter-egos. Frito, clad in a gigantic comical sombrero and little else, and Mattconius the evil mastermind. Their epic duel shook the foundations of the board, but never saw proper resolution. They were have numerous revivals, including "A Story of Love, Passion, and Khakain" which attempted to include other member analogues in on the fun. Ultimately these two would bury the hatchet and shack up to work together on the Deadbeat. This intrepid archiver does not believe for a second that their rivalry is truly over, however.