Shaila and her ex, Austin, had a somewhat unusual relationship when it came to the internet. They in fact met through Khakain, and yet Austin harbored a deep mistrust of us. After Shy came to meet us in New York, Austin forbade her from so much as looking at our forum again. And he checked to make sure she didn't, too. At Toronto, to keep Shy "safe," he actually followed her to work and made sure she didn't run off to see us. Austin did indeed ruin boardcon. For several years after that, there was nothing. She would sneak online occasionally and we would try to convince her the constraints were a little on the insane side, but she would not be persuaded. Then, out of the blue she broke up with him. Whatever the reason was, it was probably pretty dull, so instead I'll just let that picture speak for itself and let you come to your own conclusion.

A true, real-life story has a hard time staying on the list, which informs on how great this story happened to be. Coch had been seduced by a temptress while drunk, and relieved of his wallet. He knew her last place of residence and got his posse of mexicans to follow him. It was at this time we learned that Coch, in fact, had a posse of mexicans. They busted down the door to find a crackhouse! After making several white people in said crackhouse piss their pants, Coch obtained the amount of money he had lost from his wallet, and narrowly avoided the police.

In Khakain lore there exists an entity known as Aubrey who ruled the land with a guitar and a vast knowledge of music in tow. But this isn’t about him. Aubrey also had a brother named Fat-Ass Monkey…or Spencer actually. Spencer was a casual Khakain contributor for several years after he was introduced. In 2006 he joined a band called Said the Whale, which in subsequent years would become a fairly well recognized and successful band in the Canadian indie music scene. Said the Whale has released several albums in canadia, have attained radio airplay, allowed the usage of their music in a commercial, and have played the fairly large Virgin Festival. It’s not everyday a Khakainer can claim such fame. When the band visited Calgary, Dave took the time to see their show and meet Spencer for a couple of beers. Spencer continues to contribute to Khakain on occasion, but mostly on the music board.

Okay, confession time for me. I found out about Ritzbitz from 4chan. There was a thread on /v/ linking to "WHERE'S MY PORTAL." It was probably created by Ritzbitz himself and it died very quickly. But /v/ being the idiots that they are did not notice the genius that had begun there. It was more than a youtube poop, since it didn't rely on repetition, being really loud, or just generally getting on the nerves of the viewer. It follows its own internal logic and clips from earlier serve to make later clips even better by way of some weird connection I couldn't begin to guess. Luckily the movies caught on with a small portion of Khakain and quotes continue to pour in to this day.

The winter and early spring of 06 was probably our lowest moment since we had moved from The Board. Posting was dropping dramatically, and what was left was spent trying to berate several unwanted people into leaving. Campin Carl, TheLight, Venso Howlie, Linktwin and Miss Misery were out in full force, taking control of threads for their own childish purposes. Our index was cluttered with tons of unneeded and unused boards. Perhaps worst of all, the top of every page was polluted by an ugly random banner. Tim saw the things afflicting the board, and he hated them. While the emos were being banished, he worked with admins to create a new board, free from the baggage of a billion banners, useless boards, shitposts and spambots. The move was on April 1, and once people discovered it was not a hoax there was a great public outcry, but the board was eventually seen as a vast improvement. As a self-reward for a job well done, Tim left and hasn't been seen since.

It seems Maragon was always a target for criticism. From the time she first posted her picture, to her kidnapping of The Fonz, to her recent limited contributions on Khakain, Maragon just couldn’t catch a break. Lauren picked up on Maragon’s supposed inadequacies early and often, proclaiming her to be a troll, an ugly skank, “biggest idiot” in Abby’s “getting to know you” thread, and above all a raging uncontrollable attention whore. Maragon tried to absorb Lauren’s attacks by sarcastically designating an attention whore macro as her avatar, but it did not hinder Lauren’s campaign of hate. Lauren was known to be aggressive over the years, but she looked down her nose at Maragon more than anyone else. The constant back and forth between them, which was irrational at times, never saw a resolution. It is often referenced in the vain of other fights based on the fact that it seemed to be one of the few times a board feud was fueled by pure hatred. Women.

LONG AGO WHEN KALIMDEL REGULARLY VISITED, EVERY POST HE MADE WAS LEGENDARY. HE WAS ALWAYS OFFERING UP ADVICE ON HOW TO BE A MAN, AND EXPLAINING HOW OTHER RACES WERE INFERIOR. MOST IMPORTANTLY, EVERYTHING SAID BY KALIMDEL WAS IN ALL-CAPS, WHICH UNLIKE THIS ENTRY, MADE THE THINGS HE SAID MORE ENTERTAINING. WHEN PROPERLY INSPIRED, HE WOULD GO ON LONG RANTS, TELLING STORIES FROM HIS LIFE, OR JUST SOMETHING HE MADE UP. THESE WERE "EXCERPTS" FROM THE BOOK OF LUMBAR, A BOOK THAT ONLY KALIMDEL CAN READ. THOUGH HE IS NOT AROUND MUCH ANYMORE, KALIMDEL PROMISES THAT HE HAS MANY, MANY MORE STORIES TO TELL.

Contrary to what some say, we don't give him a lot of credit. He was what he was: Loller's friend, brought over from an unsuccessful trolling of Nintendojo. Seeing our more lax rules, he set out to see how far he would have to go to get banned. Eventually, he got the job done by posting child porn. He made national news for a flash game, and was revealed to look kinda like Merril Howard Kalin. During a period when everyone was given admin powers, it was revealed PiGPEN had been viewing the board through Loller's account, and caused a small amount of mischief. He still occasionally views the board, but any posts he makes are indistinguishable from Loller's, which should really bother Loller.

It was a day when the entire Zelda community took notice. For quite some time prior, the former members of HTLOZ were forced to stay at the board of King X, an actual "we're not kidding, call the police" pedophile. Tempest and Fury tracked down old members and got hosting sorted away, and designed a REALLY nice looking site. They went live on March 1st. This would be the first time we were exposed to the HTLOZ community proper since our war. They were different, to be sure, and some made for easy targets of ridicule. But they were also a board we could be friends with, because of our common history. They came to our anniversary parties, and they housed us when our server went down. More importantly, they were the first other board we could look at without wanting to completely trash them.

It started because of a Mets game gone horribly wrong. Hitman make an innocuous comment about how bad they are. Rather, it would have been innocuous if Joe had not been the target. The insult triggered a flame war, which in a rare turn of events triggered an actual war. With the prize of the other side admitting he was wrong, Gomo and Hitman each drafted a team of members and were given a secret board. Team Hitman believed that there was a certain element of restraint to be had, and it turned out to be his downfall. Team Gomo unleashed an unbeatable onslaught of flaming and staff manipulation while Team Hitman barely knew what hit them. Within only a day or two Hitman was forced to surrender, making the Mets the greatest baseball team of all time.