Mortimer T. Frog was a simple frog that enjoyed those little things that make life worth living. Things like a nice cup of tea with friends, Mrs. Owl's famous preserves, and ritual sacrifices to their Dark Master. Meant to be a present for Matt to give to his brother, he also shared the story of this special frog with us, and it touched each and every one of our lives. The drawings really tie it all together; it just wouldn't work without Mortimer's cold, vacant stare. Or the worm's top hat. That one is a deal breaker too. And I'm not lying, either. It really would be a deal breaker.

In a harsh and unforgiving world, two men dared to seek out history's greatest secrets. Mostly they meandered around, but secrets were uncovered, to be sure. Not many people may remember this one, but Efreit actually made a series of no-budget shorts with some bloke named Brett. They played adventurous archaeologists that had comic misadventures with vague homosexual undertones (a common theme in Freet's work). Clues to ancient secrets fall into their lap, they're atrocious at arts and crafts and some folks may want them dead. Folks with Audis and evil patios. After their pilot episode they're hoping to get picked up by Lifetime or Hallmark, so cross your fingers.

Art students get paid for this kind of thing. The guy that made this got to appear on NPR and talk about the significance of his work. Tempest found it and showed it to us during one of his brief stays at the board, and the surrealness of what was taking place creeped out even our most jaded members. Why the milk? Why are they restraining her? What is she wearing? What the hell IS that thing? All valid questions that had very mundane answers, so we made up our own. The beast puppet was dubbed Milk Rape Monster, and he has become a mascot of Khakain alongside Sam and spongebats.

Fitness has always been a passion for some. Early topics on the subject include "Khakain gets RIPPED", "The SP 60 Day Challenge", and "Khakain. Make me fit." In fact, the years between 2006 and 2009 saw a fair number of Khakainers hit the gym and trim their physique. It wasn't until the beginning of February of 2009 that a dedicated fitness board was established. Despite initial resistence by a handful members early on, the fitness board got off to a quick start and even today still sees traffic almost daily. Popular topics include "Fitness Log", where people chronicle their exercises for the day, "Diet", where people chronicle their foot intake for the day, and "Progress Pictures", where girls post pictures of themselves in their underwear. The board has also become a popular place for one Synbios, who has posted many helpful topics on exercise and diet advice, as well as several interesting topics on the science of health. Lastly, it should be noted that the creation of the fitness board also paved way for the creation of another useful board, that being the History board.

Pojp is a four letter word to some people. People that don't understand its power. Dragonair created a script on PGF that kicked someone every time they uttered it in any form, and left it running indefinitely. This grave injustice remained on the books for months, until Tinister spoke up against it. Dragonair would not back down from his flagrant admin abuse, and being the founder of the channel we could not remove him by force, so we created another channel. At #pojp, we are free to pojp as we please. As of this writing Nair has not been reached for comment, but in this author's opinion the conflict will not see a peaceful solution. This could be the crisis that finally breaks the board.

The start of this half-decade was marked with renewed internationalism. We reached out in all directions and found boards not unlike our own. The Squirtles and HTLOZ were old friends that we were glad to reunite with, and circumstances brought us together with RPG Town and their newly formed rebel outlaws, Lollipop. As a friendly gesture we created "embassy" boards, which they could have limited control over and consider a home away from home. Ideally, they were to work as safe havens in the event a server went down, or as a "middle ground" where outsiders could test the water with Khakain members. Things didn't really work out that way. The more obvious failures were of course the Emo Khakain embassy, and Treecko's "MyJellyBean" embassy, but even the embassies for the boards we liked weren't really used. Today, the Squirtle embassy is used as a history center and the Lollipop embassy is a fakepost haven. One day some more embassies may return but they'll end up being about as useful.

This was probably the most ambitious game show to ever show its face on Khakain, and the fact that it never got finished shouldn't diminish its achievement. One day, KO_er made a thread in which he proclaimed several members to be "chosen." After he had finished choosing everyone (and it WAS everyone) he announced that they were all taking part in Khakain Survivor and would be grouped into teams. The three teams would compete by creating webpages, engaging in Internet scavenger hunts, and of course, trolling and spamming unsuspecting boards. After about three challenges it was clear that more members were bailing than getting voted off, and the cash reward was never given out. The Golden Girls board was an acceptable loss.

Final Fantasy vs the Odyssey. PGF vs Music/Politics. Sex and drugs vs. video games and making lists about message boards. Khakain has long endured the struggles between "nerds" and "anti-nerds" even if it is a false distinction. Anti-nerds typically feel a little opressed, as the staff is usually all nerds. The worst confrontation between these two groups occured when the Anti-Nerds acquired their own secret board, for the purpose of planning the nerds' torment. Finally, the cool kids would be in control! There was a hoax that the staff was cracking down on the members, a hoax that the admins were fighting and de-adminning each other, and ultimately a hoax that a hacker from outside our corner of the internet had infiltrated and taken control of the site. Hoaxes that half the board is in on are not that impressive, but the event did lead to The Blue Deamon, an actual hacker, returning to actually hack us. And, if their goal was to mess with the nerds and get in their heads, they did manage to get to one...

In the last five years it's been rare to have a hoax just for its own sake, but that's what we had here. Zman claimed that the server was in some peril, as he had come out of the closet and was subsequently kicked out of the house by his bigot father. There was much worrying and a lot of consoling, but after a day or so Zman revealed that he was just kidding around and the server was in no danger. The funniest part of the whole ordeal was that nobody found anything out of place about Zman being gay.

June 11th and 12th, 1985 mark very special days in the history of mankind: the days Dave and Joe were born, respectively. In 2005 Dave and Joe decided they would begin to make a fuss about the fateful coincidence that they could in fact share their birthday for at least two hours between 12am eastern time and 10pm mountain time. The DAVE AND JOE BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA THREAD series was born. Each year Dave would post the thread and create an amusing gif image featuring the faces of the dynamic duo while Joe would provide a humorous song. In 2008 there was controversy because many people were online, but not all of them wished Dave and Joe a happy birthday. 2009’s thread featured no song because Joe’s sound card sucked. Dave’s image was shoddy and poor, but he did make a half-assed song for the ages.