Now dig this: One day, we got the idea to photoshop things into our avatars. Rather, we all photoshopped the SAME things into our avatars. Doesn't sound like much, but it got some funny results. Some managed some amazing feats, like cramming 10 or more bandwagons onto one avatar, or putting a suit on a dancing bear. Tuxedos on 9/9 and santa hats at Christmas were a big deal once. Bandwagons are not often seen anymore, mostly out of laziness, but they could return at any time. Nutella will forever be our spread of choice.

In September 2007, Dratini’s board, Dratini’s Domain, was bustling with activity following a brief war with Gomania in the Cabinet Noir. One thread that helped establish the domain was “Post what you love about Dratini here”, which Dratini created as mostly a self-serving affair geared toward receiving a parade of compliments from her loyal followers. One such follower by the name of Screwmonkey, though he could just as well have been considered an enemy, posed a question to Dratini in this thread: “Have you ever taken it up the butt?” Dratini quipped “Have you?” Her question dodging gave weight to speculation that the event could have actually taken place. Screwmonkey took the question to the Odyssey board in an attempt to get to the bottom of the matter (teehee). Khakainers weighed in with their thoughts on Dratini’s potential “super buttsex” (Screwmonkey’s rephrasing). The unanimous decision amongst Khakain males was that she did in fact take it in what Matty described as “the shitbox”. In early 2008 Dratini tried to quell all speculation by making a thread in Dratini’s Domain stating clearly that she never engaged in buttsex with her one time boyfriend known as Superman. To this day speculation continues to float in the air in regards to Screwmonkey’s accusations, but Dratini perpetually denies her involvement in buttsex. Only time will tell.

In the Summer of 2007 PGF was already established as a vibrant chat option for Khakainers. On one hot summer night the usual crew were chatting about random nonsense when Dratini proclaimed her love for Discombobulator, a.k.a. Disco, and his nude body of which she could only imagine about. Also present for the proclamation was Gomo, who in some way felt slighted by the idea that Disco could be more desirable to Dratini than himself. In a fit of violent rage and anger Gomo launched the first strike of Khakain’s first epic boardfight in quite some time. A boardfight consists of two or more board members “fighting” in a thread by posting relevant pictures and animated GIF files accompanied with large bold text. Text usually consists of exaggerated nonsense threats and verbal attacks. Disco accepted the challenge and fought back against Gomo’s aggression courageously. The two battled deep into the night, posting as many pictures and animations they could muster, until finally the fair maiden Dratini went to sleep for the night. Gomo and Disco agreed to a temporary truce and the fight was postponed. The next day the battle ensued once more, but it was brief. When the dust appeared to have finally settled Disco launched a sneak attack that, to this day, has never been countered by Gomo. It seems Gomo may have counted his losses and moved on, although perhaps they are both winners because neither Khakainer has ever become entangled in a true love affair with the Squirtle Princess. The thread currently resides in the hall of fame.

If you saw that some bot was using your image to attract hapless interneters to a porn scam site, how would you react? The correct answer is, you would be flattered. That is exactly what happened to Abby, except for the flattered part. Completely by chance Luke found a listing on Craigslist that was using a picture of Abby from Boardcon. Worried that an employer might see such a scandalous ad, she worked to get it flagged down, while other Khakainers attempted to seduce it. Unfortunately the bot was not very talkative, especially when confronted with uncropped versions of the stolen image embedded in a love letter. If it happened once, I am betting it will happen again, and that "garden of eden" picture Keiran took will come back to bite him...

It's always the foreigners. During the Emo War, there was constant watching for a leak of any kind. Any appearance of preemptive reaction on Veeg's part brought with it a huge shitstorm of who the damn traitor was. This was MOSTLY not serious, but logs of Veeg's secret posts revealed that Abuelo had in fact been tipping Veeg off. Worse still, he tried to get Deamon to hack a hotmail account that actually belonged to a US government employee. Having been a late convert, Abuelo missed most of the crazy that Veeg was known for, and probably felt bad that his childhood idol was going to be terrorized. It took some time, but Abuelo was eventually forgiven, though he is still not allowed to engage in any wartime activities.

After a long time of not contacting Khakain, The Blue Deamon was retrieved during the "7r4p" hoax. He stayed around and got to see the Emo Khakain war unfold, and helped a great deal. It was around this time that he revealed he was, and always had been, a woman. And she had, erm, proof. Deamon became every male's favorite member overnight. Months later she left, citing a credit card database and getting in trouble with the government. Years went by with barely any sign of Deamon. Finally, in May '08, someone returned claiming to be hiding out from the government. It was not only revealed that this was Deamon, but the original Deamon, a guy. The woman that we had come to know was his ex-girlfriend using his online identity with his consent. What about Deamon is the truth and what is made up? All I know is that whatever kept him away from the internet made the credit card debacle (which was real) look like nothing.

For the first time in our history, a Khakainer was rocketing to superstardom. Cubone was co-host of a one hour radio show that aired at midnight on an AM Arizona station. He had arrived. He had help from someone on the inside; the man with top billing, Daniel Lionhart, was the one that set everything up. He was.... a bit strange. He lived like the Unibomber out in the desert, or least claimed he wanted to. On the show, he ate up as much airtime as he could spouting libertarian nonsense while Cubone sat there bewildered. Khakainers came to his rescue, however, and on the final night of their show they called in to voice their opinions on how best to survive the zombie apocalypse, while poor Daniel could only make lame puns. Luckily the fame did not go to Q's head, and he still graces us with his presence.

Over recent years Dave has emerged Khakain’s the resident photographer/photoshop expert. In February 2008 Dave unveiled his L33T photoshopping skills by posting an altered picture of himself that looked almost god-like. In the picture Dave is posing dramatically with his massive camera. The ocean behind him is turbulent while the clouds above suggest a terrible storm is on the horizon. The picture spawned much discussion about how awesome Dave is and a thread was made in honor of what became Dave’s new avatar. Maggy was the only person against the picture, but his thoughts were quickly brushed aside because talking about Dave’s awesome avatar was more important. Dunkinbean edited the photo to resemble a movie poster for a fictional movie titled “DAVE”. The poster included a ghostly transparent image of Joe behind Dave and a release date of 7/16/08. The movie was never released, but the avatar is still awesome.

Many great people have walked among us. Some were great to be around, and left while they were still in their prime, before we found out how boring or crazy they really were. Some only became iconic after their disappearance. They're the members of legend. The ones we take the time to explain to new people. If we believe there is no chance they will ever return, they are admitted into the Saints of Khakain. It's a really nerdy concept that caught on with an alarming number of people. I would be very happy to see it return and have it refined.

It started with a Starfox score. Mezonn bragged about how freakin' sweet his high score in Venom was, and Nair replied saying that the score was actually quite low and posted his own. Mezonn was 110% sure that Nair was lying and such a score was not even possible to get that high, and Stringer backed Nair saying that it was indeed possible. Mezonn's argument turned out to have been rubbish, but it sparked a flame war between Stringer and Mezz the likes of which we rarely see. Between Stringer's unbalanced personality and Mezonn's, er, mustache, neither would back down. Tensions rose so high that Stringer claimed he bought a plane ticket to Florida and would show up at Mezonn's house to injure him. Both sides were prescribed some medication. Mezonn pretty much left, and Stringer ended up getting married shortly after, so I think he wins.